American Psycho: The corporate version of Clueless

Patrick Bateman is a splendor in symmetry. But when he’s not returning videotapes, flexing and admiring his deltoids and biceps or running his fingers through his tumble of wavy, full-bodied hair, you’ll soon see that, on the inside, he’s the equivalent of the horrors of his refrigerator containing a woman’s shrink-wrapped head.

Christian Bale, as Bateman, exudes comical pomp. He speaks with affected sophistication, which is especially fitting in the disproportionately dramatic scene of business card rivalry, complete with the chilling-wind sound effects. In their showdown of whose business card has the most tasteful tint of white, they equal Alicia Silverstone’s Cher in Clueless with their cutthroat corporate version. Bateman even says “Oh my God” over his colleague’s use of watermark.

However, this trifle talk showcases great characterization – how competition and superiority complexes have created nothing but two-dimensional personalities in the vapid corporate world. Much like their bone, off-white, eggshell and pale nimbus business cards, these characters’ dullness only differ in small gradation of shades.

As for the one of the more unique murders, Bateman transforms the atmosphere to one of unexpected levity, as he prances around like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura, plays the upbeat “Hip to be Square” and dons a raincoat over his suit for the rain of blood to come. Bateman grins as he executes, then turns maniacal as his no-longer competitor’s blood splashes on his flawless skin and over-coiffed hair.

Which is what this film is all about: the undoing of the ideal. Even though they could be interpreted as real or imagined, these murders being mere episodes of Bateman’s imagination makes for a stronger satire. It seems fitting that this emasculated man with inferior bone-white business card imagines the murder of his colleague, who chooses a superior off-white, in an ironically pristine apartment.

But Bateman’s imagination never materializes. He tries to create disorder in his ordered reality and elevate himself by eliminating all that is wrong in his world (panhandlers, cats, hookers, threatening competitors), but his colleagues, lawyer and the real world ultimately dismiss him.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest of them all. Bateman: YOU are, stud.

Posted in Film, multiple personality disorder, Serial killer, Thriller, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ophelia, please darken my door . . .

I know that you’ve been playing The Band nonstop in my unexplained absence.

The blog comes back tomorrow, because today I have, wait for it, a hockey game! Yay for beer and nachos and guys in protective gear beating the crap out of the other guy’s protective gear. And oh yeah, shooting the plastic thing in the net with a stick.

But enough about hockey and the grammatically incorrect Maple Leafs.

Tomorrow I continue plowing through The Best DVDs You’ve Never Seen, Just Missed or Almost Forgotten, but this time, I’m going on a hunt for films I actually haven’t seen, just missed or have almost forgotten, which means a trip to Blockbuster. There’s nothing more I enjoy than going through the movie shelves and movie hunting. I discovered gems like A Simple Plan, Swimming Pool and Mean Creek that way.

In the mean time, resume playing The Band on loop.

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The night three became one: Why you should give The Human Centipede a chance

Three intense Toronto After Dark Film Fest fans clarifying what a "human centipede" is, clearly for those who are in denial. Courtesy of Bloor Cinema.

The horror started before the film did: the movie was sold out. This, after my panicked marathon trying to outwalk all the other horror fans trying to get to the end of the line. I actually managed to overtake more than a handful of them that I might as well have raised money for charity. With the fear-inducing score from Jaws or, better yet, Inception playing in my head, I reached the end of the serpentine queue at some dark street around the corner from the Bloor Cinema.

Oh, but the swelling score came back, angrier and more threatening than ever, as my friend and I came to a horrifying realization of a sold-out show and had to leave the line of what I could only imagine looked like a human centipede from the sky. Thankfully, the Bloor is huge and, after waiting for Godot in the rush line, we managed to score some balcony tickets where the audience was more rowdy and delirious (blame the high altitude and the thinner air). You also have to play a little bit of musical chairs up there, because, well, you just don’t want vertically-blessed audience members obscuring your view of the good . . . segments of the show.

Tom Six’s The Human Centipede is arguably the most controversial horror film in the long and perturbed history of the genre that had its fair share of severed zombie heads, exorcists and their creaking body parts, axe-wielding evil dolls, dead people who don’t know they’re dead, aliens, dinosaurs, haunted TV sets and, lately, piranhas.

Horrifically original, The Human Centipede incited judgmental commentaries from passersby (“Who in their right mind . . .”).  I’m in my right mind, and I can’t help but feel intrigued by this film’s daring premise.

The horror genre had suffered stagnancy and had become that one big, decaying recycling plant that NIMBYists have been trying to get rid of. There are just too many fangs and blood that screams ketchup on the silver screen these days.

And here comes a filmmaker with a great name – Tom Six – and a cinematographer, also with a great name – Goof de Koning – making a movie about a mad surgeon who wants to make a triumvirate digestive tract: connecting multiple human pipe systems, mouth-to-anus and call it the human centipede. It’s not a family film, but what makes the likes of The Exorcist, Hostel and Saw more acceptable than this evil surgeon’s horror show? It’s disgusting, depraved and horrific, yes, but what is horror if not disgusting, depraved and horrific anyway?

The idea is a little hard to swallow, but Tom Six gets six stars for ingenuity. It's fiction guys. Put your pitchforks and torches down.

Tom Six executes an original idea the way Charlie Kaufman executes an original idea, but why does the former get a lot of heat for pushing the envelope? Tom Six actually does not indulge in blood and graphic details, as many readily assume. A lot is implied, and the idea is executed in a tasteful manner, with good, calculated artistic choices. The result is an original, thought-provoking, horrifying and intentionally funny film.

Are Six’s risks justified? Let’s put it this way: I’ve never been in a theatre more entertained than the Bloor Cinema that Friday night. We laughed, gasped, shielded our eyes, dug our nails into the next person’s arm, moved our butts to the edge of our seats and laughed some more. I intend to fill awkward silences I encounter from now on with the story of these two poor girls and their shitty fate: being silenced by anus. This, my friends, is what no-nonsense horror is all about.

The Toronto Underground Cinema is playing The Human Centipede from August 28 to September 3. They have a sick “centipede deal” — admit three for the price of two. Don’t worry, I don’t think this deal intends to facilitate a centipede surgery on triumvirates. I hope.

(Note: This trailer is very underwhelming and is not representative of how great this movie is. Yes, the opening is cliche, but it’s done with a sense of humour that is not evident in this trailer. In fact, all the best parts are saved for the actual movie, which is a good thing, so don’t let this trailer fool you.)
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One crazy week later … is another crazy week

But at least I got to see Billy Zane make Greek zombie heads fly and bathe in Niagara Falls of fake blood (Evil in the Time of Heroes — Toronto After Dark Film Festival).

I also saw probably the most brutal acting and storyline that threatens to dethrone the criminal From Justin to Kelly: Step Up 3D. But to the latter film’s defense, its choreography is a drug and watching it on 3D makes it a truly hallucinogenic experience. Step Up 3D is probably the only bad movie that I will highly recommend, ever. Intrigued yet?

As for the 500 Movies, 365 Days project . . . Step Up 3D will be paired up with Drumline and Evil in the Time of Heroes with 28 Days Later. I can’t wait to write these reviews! However…

they will have to be delayed because I’m in the middle of heading the production of a literary magazine, Existere, which comes out September 13. Look out for it in the bookstores if you’re in Canada, and if you live elsewhere but would like to purchase copies, give me a shout!

Check back on the 20th for more 500 Movies, 365 Days.

Go out (or stay in) and watch a movie.

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So Inception is ripped from . . . a Scrooge McDuck comic book?

Read: Christopher Nolan, hide! Courtesy of Wikimedia

No, you are not dreaming within a dream within a dream.

Sorry to break it to you Inception fans, but this is too good of a find. Couldn’t he have just optioned the thing instead of draining it of all its life and humour?

Most movies are derivative, but for a movie hailed as the “brainiest” and “most original” this summer, this is too close for comfort. Should we all have been reading comic books instead of heading to the multiplex?

To Nolan’s defense, I once penned a novel in my early teens about witches in witch school, a plot which, I swear, J.K. Rowling stole from my dream and incepted that I stole the idea from her. She even switched my witches to wizards. Crafty, that woman.

Posted in auteur, comedy, derivative, Film, Inception, Leonardo Di Caprio, Uncategorized, Uncle Scrooge McDuck | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Stories of serial killers and spies | 500 Movies, 365 Days (Identity) / Now Playing (Salt) |

Salt is pouty, silly and entertaining and I'm all for imagery and symbolism.

Rotten Tomatoes tells me that a lot of you have flocked the theatres to see that actress with the lips and the hair that make you want to lecture God about equality and justice. South of the border, Americans have collectively shelled out $70.8 million to see this woman get a serious workout on the freeway and look even sexier, if that’s possible, with a lot of clothes on.

Tonight, our double bill has something in common. They are at times a little fantastic and outrageous, but that’s beside the point because their stories intrigue and grip you. Put your Kleenex away, put your thinking cap on and proceed to move your butt to the edge of your seat.

Who is Salt, asks one film. Who is Malcolm Rivers, asks the other.

Although I find the Malcolm Rivers question a far more intriguing one, Philip Noyce’s Salt still hooks me almost equally, if almost all purely from adrenaline rush.

In Identity, the fate of Malcolm Rivers, a convicted serial killer to be executed in a few hours, is turned as new evidence comes up which could win him an insanity plea. He is now being transported out of death row for a midnight trial. After this scene, the atmosphere is switched on, almost like a light bulb. We meet 11 interesting mix of characters: a sex worker, a washed-up actress and her ex-cop limo driver, a young couple whose hours-old marriage is already poised for a divorce battle, a sketchy motel manager, a cop transporting a convict, and a good old family unit that’s about to get smaller (dying, injured mother). They are all stranded in a makeshift island created by the throaty dark clouds dumping atmosphere from above them.  Yes, this set-up sounds too strategic and cliché, and it is, but there’s a wonderful atmosphere created here, helped by the spliced narrative and really scared, really frustrated cast of characters.

Their scene opens in media res: A man (bespectacled, side-parted hair, the whole geek look) bursting through the door, inauspicious weather behind him, woman dripping rain and blood in his arms. What follows is compelling storytelling, showing us a deluge of captivating cause-and-effect scenes that intersect to one large effect: The freeze-framed shot of woman limp in her husband’s arms.

This is me watching Identity, torn, especially when the story itself suffers from multiple personality disorder towards the end.

Michael Cooney’s screenplay is a carefully intricate story that is amped up to greater effect by intersecting fractured scenes without ever feeling gimmicky. The result is an atmosphere overhanging with anticipation, a fitting backdrop to the characters dying off one by one, following the tradition of whodunit paranoia and finger-pointing.

Although the plot seems awfully familiar, there’s a twist three quarters of the way as the story seems to veer off to magical realism and expose the red herring for what it is. However, as a trade off for this whodunit misdirection, a greater thriller emerges.

Salt is a mystery of identity as well. In dramatic fashion, a Russian renegade accuses Salt of being a Russian spy. While the story casts doubt in our female CIA officer, we question our own allegiance to her: Do we believe this charismatic heroine on the screen who earns our trust just by her disarming looks or do we follow the trail of suspicion?

The incluing of Salt’s past happens way after we’ve already wavered from trusting she’s a loyal CIA agent to questioning whether she could be a mole to defending her in our minds that, mole or not, she probably has good intentions to fully forming her allegiance in our heads. Through some long and compelling chase scenes, we are propelled into the ticking clock scenario of a Russian mole about to assassinate the Russian president on American soil in order to incite a Russian-American war and a global American hatred.

This is an arresting story, not so much plot-wise, but character-wise. We are compelled to watch Jolie progressively defeat bigger and bigger odds. It’s entertaining to watch her outrun her CIA colleagues by jumping off a bridge and onto speeding vehicles below, leaping off a helicopter onto a body of water, sliding down an elevator shaft and, the most low-key and unintentionally laughable moment: Walking out of a pileup, swarmed by her chasers, unnoticed. Who knew suspected Russian spies possessed superhuman powers and had stolen the famous invisibility cloak from a certain kid wizard from Hogwarts? Silly or not, Jolie’s Salt turns on the charm and the adrenaline and infects you with curiosity.

Funny enough, Identity and Salt both use handcuffs (worn) as an ingenious weapon towards the end, and the question of who used it in more effective, surprising and dramatic fashion is for you to find out.

Posted in Amanda Peet, comedy, Film, Identity, John Cusack, multiple personality disorder, Mystery, Russian Spies, Serial killer, Thriller, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

| 500 Movies 365 Days | ‘Cause this is thriller, thriller night

No, Michael did not rise from the dead. Or did he? But our genre tonight is thriller. Plus, I know you all miss Michael. He's no Bill Compton (or Edward Cullen?). Courtesy of CBS records

Let me open with this: It’s pouring. It’s so beautiful that James Cameron named his production company after the spectacle of the black sky ripping open and letting out a scream: Lightstorm. That is one evocative name. People get trapped in this beauty, the sky dumping atmosphere and drama to their hair. Soon, they will all be under the same roof and . . . interesting things will happen.

That’s all I’m gonna tell you. This is one of the movies I wish I had written. It’s so beautifully crafted I can’t even begin to imagine what went on inside the head of the person who wrote it. But if you can guess what movie this is and comment on this post, you win reader of the month, which basically means nothing. It just means you’re just as geeky as I am.

Anyway, if you want to read my thoughts on this movie, you’ll have to wait until very late tonight or tomorrow morning. I’m off to see Salt or The Girl Who Played with Fire because it seems that what’s getting you guys to read my blog is if I compared an old movie with a recently released one. Also, if you’re worried that I won’t be able to watch 500 movies in 365 days in this pace, you’re probably right. But, I’ve never been more productive so this project isn’t a complete failure. And you’ll still get a lot of movie reviews from me.

Follow me on Twitter for updates! My Twitter account is OfeliaL, not Ofelia.

Go out (or stay in) and watch a movie,
Ofelia

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